Why you need a ragged edge

Nature loves symmetry – and, being part of nature, humans do too. From a butterfly’s wings to the human body, a cathedral’s dome to the family car, humans strive to make things equal. It feels pleasant, and calming, for the things you see to be mirrored in the middle.

Perhaps, then, it’s also natural to want to make symmetrical what doesn’t match. To rearrange uneven edges. Whether it’s adjusting a tablecloth or drawing a perfect love heart, there’s a need to get things into order, to make the ragged neat, and to pull everything into alignment.

Unfortunately, life is a messy business, and can leave you with more off-kilter edges than a child’s wonky drawing. Arguments are left hanging, wrong impressions remain, and bad character assumed from a few heated emails. To be unable to straighten these out can feel agonising – and sometimes trying to do so only makes things worse.

Mess is uncomfortable, whether it’s on your kitchen counter or in your personal relationships. It’s understandable to want symmetry – for there to be compromise, give-and-take, an equality in decision-making. It seems fair, and what’s fair is good, and what’s good is symmetrical. No uneven edges, no messy business, all squared up and sorted.

Perhaps that’s why many people continue chasing lost causes. It might be a desire for justice, but perhaps that’s because justice equals symmetry. If only you can get things in line, you think, you’ll relax, knowing that everything is straightened out. Instead, though, the mess remains, uneven, unfair, and squelching everywhere.

So how about you think of this in another way? That life is supposed to be messy, and without it nothing would change. If all were even and pleasant, there’d be no discomfort. That discomfort leads to questing, experimentation, and transformation. Yes, it’s horrible while you’re in the mess, but the possibilities it provides are enormous.

This isn’t an argument to avoid making things equal, or to abandon the fight. It’s about accepting that mess is part of human relationships – indeed, human existence. And perhaps the lack of symmetry in some cases makes us appreciate it all the more when it happens. Humans are complex, and no amount of neatening will make that go away. And think once more of the charm in that child’s wonky, asymmetrical drawing. Perhaps mess isn’t what we want, but it’s sometimes what we need.

Besides which, symmetry is often only the surface layer. Dive into the human body, and see the heart beating on the left, the liver cleansing on the right. So it’s not even that unevenness is OK – irregularity has a depth to it that symmetry can’t achieve. It’s functional – maybe even fundamental.

So next time you’re tempted to straighten any metaphorical edges, wonder what would happen if you didn’t. If you left something messy, and sat with the discomfort of that. Perhaps, given time, you’ll see that it was part of a bigger picture. That symmetry and mess are harmonic bedfellows – and together, create something larger than you, I, or any of us can imagine.

© Stephanie Lam 2024 Stephanie Lam is a writer and coach, based in the UK. She writes for Breathe magazine, and works with people and businesses who value wellbeing and open-heartedness. Find out more on her website stephanielam.co.uk, follow her on Instagram @stephanie_lam_1, or connect on LinkedIn at stephanielam-uk.